Parenting

Have you ever wondered how you parent or how you will parent will affect your children? The truth is that how you parent will greatly affect your children both as how they grow up and as they react to your parenting. To explain this better we first need to look at the three different types of parenting. There is permissive, authoritarian and authoritative.

Permissive parents are parents who love their children but don’t set any boundaries for there children. This dose not give their children any structure. It allows for them to feel like they can do anything and everything they want with out consequences. Children have certain needs they need met and they will do just about anything and everything to fulfill them. Like they have a need of connection. If the parent is permissive and doesn’t fulfill that need the child might become unruly and as the parents don’t put rules or structure on the child, then he just continues to get more and more out of hand seeking that attention he is craving.

Then there is authoritarian parenting. This is when parents are extremely strict, overbearing and harsh with there rules. They just tell there children how it will be and there is no room for adjustments or compromise. When a child doesn’t obey, they have discipline often that are very severe for the rules they didn’t follow. This causes children to want to rebel. They have a need to have control especially as they get older. So, they try to take control by not listening to rules and fighting back.

The third kind is authoritative. This is a mixture of structure and rules but also a lot of love and communication. These parents help their children have structure and know that their choices have consequences. But they also are very reasonable and work with there children to set consequences. They give children responsibility and help them reach their full potential.

If you couldn’t already guess the best kind of parenting is authoritative. Of course, we all want to be this kind of parent. No one wants to be a bad parent. But that leaves us with the question where do we start? How do we go about being an Authoritative parent? Well doctor Popkins has some of the best advice for parents.

When it comes to consequences, we must let the natural consequences be the teacher and we don’t need to add extra punishment. Like for example you tell your child that a burner is hot and that she should not touch it. You explain to her that it will hurt her if she does. Then when you’re not looking, she reaches up and touches the burner and burns her hand. That little girl is already in a lot of pain. If you were to yell at her or put her in time out what would that do for her? In that moment the natural consequence has already taught her everything she needs to learn.

When your child is having behavior issues, or you want to correct their behavior there is a respectful but firm way to do so. You start with a polite request then if they don’t respond then you give a I message. Then if they still don’t respond then you give a firmer but not mean or threatening response. Like let’s say you have a son who has a very dirty room. You walk in and ask him politely to clean it. When you come back, and he hasn’t you have a conversation with him and you send an I message. Like I feel unappreciated and unvalued when you don’t clean your room. I would appreciate it if you would clean up after yourself. Then if he still doesn’t you send a firm message. Clean your room now. Then if they still don’t then you ask them what they think an appropriate consequence is.