Why Fight When You Can Communicate

Have you ever gotten in an argument with someone you really care for? And although your trying to resolve things or work things out it escalates, or you walk away both upset. I think we all have. When you care about someone but have differing opinions and views it becomes almost impossible not to have moments like these, but we can change the outcomes. Based on how we respond to these situations. There is a five-step communication process that will help us not only be able to resolve conflict but have a productive interaction.

Step one Disarming Technique: This technique is simple but so hard. You have to stop blaming the other person and look for the truth in what that person is saying. This technique does a few things when you stop looking to blame the other person but look to see what and how you can be better then it makes you feel better. It helps seep away any anger and frustration. Then when you think about what they’ve said and find the truth and address it they then feel validated and there anger and hurt can be softened so that they can then be more open to communicating.

 Step two Thought Empathy: we need to show kindness and understanding to the other person in this argument. You can show the other person this by repeating back what they said. This shows them that we didn’t just hear them but that we listened and are striving to understand them and their point of view.  You can also say things like you must be feeling angry, mad, sad whatever your perceiving that there feeling. This will help them feel safe to express how there feeling and thinking.

Step 3 Gentle Inquiry: Now that you both have gotten rid of hard feeling and made them feel validated and cared for you should invite them to share what they’re feeling, thinking and perspective.

Step 5 when, I felt, Because, and I would like. This is the step where you can have productive communication, express your side and desire for change or improvement. This is an important step because if you do the first four steps without this step then this whole interaction is worthless. You would make the other person feel good, but you would not grow or make any progress.  For example, when you told me I was selfish I felt hurt because I was wanting to use that money to get something that would help me cook better for both of us. I would like for us to find a way to solve this problem I would really like to cook better meals for us but I want us to decide how to accomplish this together. Do you see how it allows you to express yourself but also ask for cooperation and for growth.

Step 5 Attention, Respect and Admiration. Through this whole thing and as you come to a conclusion together you need to pay attention, respect the and admire them. At the end of this conversation tell each other why they are important to you and why you love them.

Overall This process comes down to one thing if you put your weapons down then so will they. In arguments we tend to only see the other person what they said, how they’re wrong, how you have been hurt, and so on. But when you take the time to come down from the defense and offense and see them as a person. As a person who is hurting and feeling like you. These changes will not only help your relationships, but it will help you get rid of those bad hurtful feelings. It will bless your life in all aspects.