It's Complicated
Relationships are so complicated. We
all know what it’s like to have miscommunication in a relationship rather with
a spouse, friend or family member. Why is this? You would hope that after
getting married or growing up in the same home that your relationship would run
smoothly. Well there are a few theory’s that might shed some light on this for
us.
The first one is called Exchange Theory.
This theory states that as human beings we tend to want to get back at least if
not more what we put into a relationship. So, for example a husband comes home
and a wife has cooked a great dinner and has been cleaning all day. She feels
that she has put a great worth into helping him and showing her love for him. All
she expects is help with the dishes and maybe a thank you. That would be the perfect
reward for all that she has done. When he gets up from the table and drops his
dish in the sink without a word and leaves she gets upset. In this instance she
dose not feel she has been given back what she put in. these feelings are very
common and can lead to a lot of hard feelings. For some people it can even lead
to the decision to cut off the relationship if they are constantly putting in
and getting nothing out of the relationship. Knowing this can help give us a
new out look on situations like this one.
Another Theory is the Symbolic
theory. Have you ever been in a situation and you were sure the way someone moved
or something they did meant something and latter you find out that’s not what
they meant at all? This is the basis of this theory. As human beings we are
always trying to process what is going on around us and interpret it into information.
The problem is we all see and do things so differently. A young woman may grow
up being taught that a side hug at the end of a date means that he is not interested.
While a young man has grown up being taught that if you don’t like a girl you don’t
hug at all and if you like her you give her a side hug at the end of the first
date and progress into different hugs as the dating continues. Now these two go
on a date and they both really like each other but when the end of the date comes,
and he gives her a side hug he goes home over the moon happy and she goes home completely
devastated. This mis interpretation of each other can lead to a lot of problems
and miscommunication. That is why it is so important to be open with those you
are in relationships with, so you can clear up miscommunication and learn to
understand each other.
The last one is the Systems Theory.
When a relationship is formed you create a system of the two of you. You have a
way the two of you do things and that is the world when you’re with that
person. Well when you have a family you
are all one system but there are also a lot of subsystems with in that family. For
example, you are married you and your spouse have two children. There both boys
and you have a really good relationship with both of them. But your spouse for whatever
reason doesn’t have a close relationship with them. Your subsystem of you and
the two kid are now going to have an effect on the relationship of you and your
spouse. These subsystems are un avoidable they are human nature. But it is how
we prioritize our subsystems that can truly affect a family. The best thing to
do is to make the relationship between husband and wife the main or executive subsystem.
It is the strongest one. If you do this then not only will it help the overall
family but will also keep other subsystems in good parameters, so they don’t negatively
affect each other.
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