Are Dating and courtship out dated?

Are Dating and courtship out dated? When I was a little girl I grew up watching movies and hearing stories from my parents about dating. You would see in the movies the young man bringing the girl some flowers, taking her to dinner, opening every door, taking her to a movie, and then dropping her off at night with a kiss or hug goodbye. As for my parents I grew up hearing their stories of having a picnic in a phone booth or going on scavenger hunts. How my dad would call the house and ask my Grandpa’s permission to take my mom on a date that night.

                So, its safe to say that when I got to high school and started dating I was quite disappointed to find that was not what dating was for my generation at all. I found that instead of asking a girl on a date that a guy would ask you to hang out at his house with his friends and get your number. He would start texting you and you would keep hanging out in group of friends and then he would ask you to be his girlfriend. I saw this with all of my friends. The art of dating (going on a date to a specific place for a certain activity with a person you have asked) It just doesn’t really happen anymore.

                Then we get to courtship. Back in the day courtship would mean that a young man and young lady decided that they would date each other with the intent that they wanted to see if it could end in marriage. When a couple entered into a courtship relationship they were fully committed to one another. And would end in one of two ways engagement or end of the relationship all together. Today we call it being exclusive but having the commitment of boyfriend and Girlfriend does not hold the same amount of weight. We think its ok to date someone and not have a end goal in mind some people even date knowing they would never want to get married to each other but continue on any way.

 I believe this is doing us a disservice we are now having these relationships that don’t hold the same amount of commitment but with the same amount of trust and physical touch if not more. This just isn’t healthy no wonder we all keep getting hurt we give our whole hearts to some one and get attached due to our relying on, trusting and physical affection but then there is no commitment, so the other one can just walk away. We see this pattern go on as couples don’t get married but cohabit-ate. They are living as and acting as a Married couple doing everything pretty much the same except there is not that level of commitment. So when things get tough people just walk away.

I believe we need to change this. We need to do things in the right order and in the right amount. This will help us have appropriate attachments which will allow us to have healthy relationships. The author of “how to avoid marrying a jerk” has what he calls the R.A.M theory.

                                    

This model shows us the proper order and amount we should have in each area to have a healthy relationship. We should know some one more then we trust them. And we should know and trust someone before we rely on them, and we should Know, trust and rely on someone before we make a level of commitment. And you should know, trust, rely, and commit before introducing to much physical touch. If it seams silly to you then just think of it this way would it be a healthy relationship if you barely knew the person had no commitment, but you trust them completely and are full physically intimate with that person.  We wouldn’t trust our car keys to someone we barely know so why do we entrust our hearts so easily.